Teach Them How to Love you By loving Yourself

The way people treat you is taking a toll on your health, not to mention your self-esteem

You feel devalued — as if the whole universe is telling you that nothing you’ve accomplished in your life matters. 

How do you tell someone to treat you better if you’re not sure you even deserve it?

Or if  you are sure, how do you get other people to see more than your usefulness to them? 

To begin, you need to understand how you’ve already taught others to treat you — and what you can do to teach them differently.

How Do You Teach Someone How to Treat You? 

While some people live by the rule, “Treat people the way you want to be treated,” plenty of folks, by default,  base their treatment of you either on their first impression or on the way they’re used to treating people.

Consciously or unconsciously, we teach people how to treat us. Consciously is better. 

As you’ll see in the steps described below, your own behavior toward others and toward yourself is what others will look to for cues on how to treat you. 

And yes, it will take considerably more time and energy.

But consider the benefits:

  • Better relationships
  • Better communication 
  • Freedom from the unrealistic or self-centered  expectations of others
  • Greater autonomy 
  • More time and energy to devote to your own goals

So here are a few ways you can begin this Journey.

1. Choose a role model to emulate.

This could be a parent, friend, teacher, mentor, counselor, or anyone you know well enough to know how they’d respond to people treating them badly. 

Choose someone you can relate to or who has experienced the same challenges and has responded in a way you want to emulate. Even better if you have regular contact with them. 

If you can’t think of someone like that, you’re not alone. Good role models are hard to find. 

Rosey Notes

If it helps, remember that this person doesn’t have to be a saint. Neither do you need to have a close relationship with them. 

In a pinch, you can even use someone who’s no longer alive — as long as you know enough about their character and how they shaped other people’s treatment of them. 

2. Show, don’t tell.  

Model the behavior you want to see in others. In other words, treat others the way you want to be treated. This is Interpersonal Skills 101. 

If you’re a writer, you already know the value of “show, don’t tell.” 

And as someone who’s been around people long enough, you also know that “Do as I say, not as I do” is as ineffective with adults as it is with kids. 

Your example, rather than your words, is what people will remember. That’s what will stay with them. And that’s how they’ll learn how you expect to be treated. 

But showing them only once in a while — or when you’re especially fed up with their behavior — isn’t enough to make the lesson stick.

3. Be consistent in your own behavior. 

Consistency in how you treat people is what will ensure they get the undiluted message. 

Because any time you let people get away with treating you badly — or any time you treat someone else badly — that’s what most people will remember. 

Consistency isn’t easy, though. It’s exhausting having to constantly respond to other people’s thoughtless or selfish behavior in a way that doesn’t reinforce it. You can’t put consistency on auto-pilot until the right response becomes habitual. 

And for that to happen, you have to consistently practice those responses until they become your new default. 

Otherwise, you’ll always be tempted to respond according to your old default — which is probably either retaliating or letting the other person have their way. 

Neither option will teach them to treat you better. 

There are so many other pointers I want to share but this is top 3 for now Next weeks Blog will have 3 more!!!

So Bottom Line is

If you want others to treat you better, they need to see you treating yourself better, too. They need to see you putting in the effort and respecting your own needs. 


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